Hello weirdos!
I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that
this month is almost over. Remember how yesterday was Thanksgiving and I was cruising
around Missoula with my family and friends? Now I’m preparing for New Years. By
“preparing” I mean sitting in Starbucks, drinking away my holiday gift cards
and attempting to recap nearly an entire month of my life for you creeps. Did you
get to spend the holidays with your families? I spent mine with old friends,
new friends and mostly my cat, because why not?
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| Thank god this was not under our tree... |
I’ve wanted to write for a lot of days now, but the words
have been hiding somewhere. Plus I’m not entirely sure how to explain how I’ve
been me-but-not-me and I don’t remember what Just Me felt like anymore. I blame
the book I’m reading. When Rabbit Howls is the autobiography of an
incest survivor who developed multiple personalities to cope with her trauma. I’ve
always been good at psychosomatics. C told me to stop reading it, because I’ll
just drive myself crazy. I think she might be right, but I hate the idea of
quitting.
Which honestly is probably why I’m writing this blog right
now; because Somebody told me once that I’m incapable of following through on
something for more than 6 months. I might be writing this just to prove her
wrong but I’m writing it. Goddamnit.
This month has been so strange. I don’t really know how to
explain except that I feel far away from myself. There were times this month
that I felt good, felt grounded and Real in a way that I don’t feel today. I remember
sitting on my windowsill with the sky all purple and pink in that way that
reminds me of cupcakes. I thought “Yes, ok. This is what happy feels like” and
that song from Garden State was on loop in my brain, because it’s true. We live in a beautiful world.
Notable things that have happened this month:
1. Blue Monk Poetry Slam
This one time I decided I would be a Real Poet. I invited everybody
I know to watch me “compete”. I wrote out my three poems longhand and walked
around for three days reciting them under my breath like a crazy person.
Seriously you guys, if you want to look unapproachable spend a lot of time
muttering to yourself. People will cross streets to avoid you. They’ll shield their
dogs and small children when you walk by.
Thursday night I was totes ready. I timed out and fully
memorized my material. I wore my classy new black birthday shirt. I parted my
hair on the right instead of the left. You know, keeping people on their toes.
Turns out, slamming requires something known as “stage presence”. I don’t have
that yet. I recited my 3 minute poem, held my breath and… didn’t make it to the
second round of competition. But! I did get some good advice after the show.
For example, “talk casually, move purposefully”. My voice wants to go all
Andrea Gibson-y when I start waxing poetic and my hands do this weird claw thing. Having some feedback on my reading posture certainly helped.
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| Gratuitous picture of Andrea Gibson, check. http://www.myspace.com/andreagibson |
I am not yet a slam poet. But I will be. Can’t stop me now!
2. The Biscuit is Fixed!
After a month of riding the bus and cursing my
transportation situation, my co-worker finally got sick of my bitching and made
me do something about it. She drove me home after work one night, jumped the
Biscuit and followed me to the CarQuest around the block. A delightful fellow
named Scottie helped me select and install my new battery, even though we
rolled in about 10 minutes before closing time. And that was that! Biscuit has
started like a champ ever since.
Lesson learned: sometimes things seem a lot more impossible
than they really are. Alternatively: if you bitch about something long enough,
somebody will fix it for you. Oh adulthood, you teach me all the things all the
days.
Last but not least, in the notable things I did this month…
3. Watched a Muppet Family Christmas.
You guys, please go experience the magic of this movie. It’s
my entire childhood encapsulated in 42 minutes of singing, dancing and general
merry-making. We’re talking a delightful fusion of the Muppets, Sesame Street
and Fraggle Rock. All in one movie. I just can’t even explain.
Anyways, I hope you are all well! The sun is shining for the
first time in a long time. I think I’m obligated to go enjoy it…
I love you all the days!
-b
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