A-Camp Day 2: Oh Brave New World!

Drunk kitten says writing is easy. 

Hello weirdos! Here’s a thing I’m learning: writing is significantly harder without a bottle of wine. Realistically a lot of things are harder without a bottle of wine. For example, talking to strangers, dancing without looking epileptic and falling asleep at night. Let’s hope my liver and self-respect understand the sacrifices I’m making here. Can you believe it’s been over a month since A-Camp? How about we wrap this shit up so I can tell you about my poetry reading, the apple pressing party and the new love of my life, Doris?

Thursday, September 13: Day 2

I woke up the first official morning of A-Camp sweaty and puffy and weirdly calm. I woke up before my alarm went off, before my cabin mates started stirring. I managed to put contacts into my swollen eyes, tied on my yellow bandanna and slunk out into the California morning with my notebook. Somewhere between my first and third cup of coffee, I started to feel normal again. I propped myself up in a patch of sunshine outside Wolf Lodge and wrote. I wrote until things stopped feeling so awful and my hands stopped shaking and my brain didn’t feel so feverish anymore. When I was done writing, I could breathe again.

I headed back to the cabin for my schedule and map, because Alpine Meadows is huge and my sense of direction doesn’t exist. Lucy was making her bed. She put her arm around my shoulders, and nothing was right but at least things didn’t feel quite as wrong. We headed to Wolf together for more coffee and the first of many “processing” sessions, and by the time the breakfast bell rang I intended to enjoy every fucking minute of A-Camp. Because why not?

My first activity of the day was Music Trivia with Crystal and Stef. This event may have actually been the highlight of my A-Camp experience. Mostly because it combined trivia, yelling and Australian candies being thrown at my head. Also I knew a few things! About halfway through this event it became apparent that Valencia’s gentle, law-abiding nature was predominant in the rest of the yellow team also. We wanted teams to buzz in before shouting answers! We wanted order and structure and fair play! Stef repeatedly professed her love for us, and officially dubbed us Team Polite. We didn’t win, but we gave it a good run.

After Music Trivia, I visited the cabin to plan my next activity and leave a Toblerone on Lucy’s pillow. Shortly thereafter I realized chocolate Australian candies probably constitute bear bait. C’est la vie, right? For the record, no bears were sighted in or around Cabin 5.

Next on the docket was the Introvert Meet-up, which was kind of like Speed Dating. Except Crystal and Laura realized introverts are delicate creatures. So it was more like structured partner speed dating with riddles and word games to keep our minds off actual interaction. I have to admit, I don’t remember much about that hour of my life. I met so many people from so many places with so many stories! I do know almost my entire cabin was present. Also I kept a sketch of a fox, a chicken and a bag of corn drawn by Crystal. You know, for my scrapbook. After that much introverted socializing, lunch was a relief. I’m pretty sure I was catatonic by this point, and spent most of lunchtime staring at a wall.

Post-lunch I headed into the Nutrition and Exercise panel where I learned two things that changed my entire outlook on life. First: Sarah Croce used to be a scrumhalf. You guys, she's a real life human being! After the panel we discussed the game, camaraderie and the agony of trying to lift your head after the first tournament of the season. The rest of the group concluded rugby players are masochists. Second: Haviland Stilwell, who may or may not be the most genuine human being on the planet earth, doesn’t drink. She doesn’t drink because she doesn’t want to. Listen, if it’s a good enough excuse for her it's suitable for me.

After the panel disbanded, Lu and I started back toward the cabin only to encounter an enormous mob of ladies gathering outside of Eagle Lodge. Why were they gathering? Oh you know, just because Hannah Hart was there signing shit and being charming. So obvs we waited in line, watching her make puns and sign underboobs. 

Then this happened:

Also Hannah called me fit. I replied with a stutter, because I’m witty like that.

I needed a little downtime after all the face-to-face, real life human interaction. I donned my swimmy, grabbed my book and towel and headed over to the pool for free swim. Unfortunately, free swim was between 3:30 and 5pm which, coincidentally, are the least sunny afternoon hours. Instead of basking like a lizard on a rock, I spent most of the next hour bouncing from sun spot to sun spot, listening to the Golden Girls talk and booze, and watching braver gays frolic and swim. Mostly I used this downtime to mentally prepare for that night’s group event: Faggity Feud.

[Note: Somewhere in here "Girls Gone Wild" happened, which sounds sexy but mostly it's like stealthy capture the flag. Except we're lesbians, so obviously we were collecting beans. Also you'll be proud to hear my knee withstood it's first adrenaline-inspired sprint since surgery. Two points for Lefty]

Carolyn had already warned our cabin repeatedly that Faggity Feud would be a spectacle, that none of us had to participate, and that it was highly likely we’d be seeing wet breasts. Listen. If cheap tequila and a wet t-shirt contest had a baby, it would look like Faggity Feud. Like Family Feud, contestants had to guess the most popular answers to questions like “What are the most annoying lesbian accessories?” and “Who on the US Women's Soccer team would you most want to have sex with?". Unlike Family Feud, everybody was wearing white. Also, super soakers.

Facts: this event made me want a shot (or six) of tequila, Brandy Howard was an adorably drunk kitten and I saw many boobs. After witnessing plenty of drunken debauchery, my little brain decided enough was enough. Time to shut down. Lucy and I stumbled back to Cabin 5 together in full zombie/mannequin/robot/statue mode, to sleep off the day’s exertions. We curled up in her bunk and spooned another night away. 

Only three more days of California! 

I love you, creeps. 

-b

[For further A-Camp indulgence, check out the official Autostraddle recamps]