Happy Monday, kittens! I hope your week is off to a better
start than mine.
This morning I woke up, gave myself the usual 5-8 minute
window to get ready and stumbled sleepily out to my car juggling the usual
assortment of odds and ends: backpack, lunch, and composition notebooks. I
flung my backpack into the backseat, tossed my lunch on the floor, and settled
in for the 40 Monday Morning Commute. That’s when I realized
something felt off. That something was my driver seat, which was about three
inches too far from the pedals for my stumplegs.
After some thorough investigating, we determined that the
Curry girl must have been smoking and driving…
Ok, but really after some thorough investigating I deduced someone
ransacked the Biscuit.
Things that were stolen:
·
(1) Longboard, which had been patiently waiting
for me to cart her back inside after a long and glorious summer day of riding
in the park.
·
(1) Ipod (AKA Baptard) who has been living in
the car since I dropped him on a rock and shattered his screen. Pockets were no
longer a safe place for him.
·
(7) CDs including Pat Benetar, The Spice
Girls, Eminem, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack, and several Betterside end-of-season compilations. Those bastards
better appreciate the Chuck/Fuck/Marry interlude.
·
(1) Kindle that had gone unused since I read
everything my mom pre-loaded on it. I never figured out how to use Dropbox. Sorry mom.
·
The emergency bandana I kept in my door panel in
case I encountered an uncomfortable social situation and needed a confidence
boost.
·
A bottle of lavender sleepy-time pillow mist.
Don’t ask me why.
·
An envelope full of sentimental notes,
postcards, etc. to help me through rough work days.
·
My faith in humanity.
 |
| Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once More with Feeling?! Dibs. |
·
(2) grocery bags full of empty beer cans, assorted
receipts, and empty potato chip and/or candy bags. You know, usual car stuff.
·
The sleeping bag I somehow acquired after a
night of dancing at Mrs.
·
The Donnie Darko-esque grizzly bear lighter that
The Velvet Fog gave me nearly two years ago. This discovery might be the reason
I made it through today.
·
The Spice Girls CD cover insert. That’s right.
They took that CD, but they were ashamed to be seen with it.
I made the majority of these discoveries while navigating stop-and-go
traffic on my way to work. When I got to the Boulevard I called my bank, not
because it was necessary but because I needed another human being to know I
felt traumatized. I spoke to a woman named Sandra, who didn’t judge me when I
got emotional and my voice cracked. She also assured me they’d monitor my
account, and wished me all the luck.
I don’t have high hopes of recovering my lost possessions.
By “high” I meant to say “any”. But this experience probably taught me
something? Like don’t leave shit you love lying around in your car, use it
while you have it. Or maybe this is a letting-go lesson, or a
material-things-don’t-equal-happiness morale? I hope the person who owns my
things treats them well. I also hope they need that lavender pillow mist to sleep
at night, because of the gnawing guilt in their stomach region.
Oh! And I hope
my longboard finds its way to a bulldog in need.
 |
| Courtesy of: http://bulldogmixes.com/ |
Love you, weirdos. Go make sure your cars are locked please.
-b
No comments:
Post a Comment