Hello friends! Did this week fly by for anybody else? Seriously,
it’s been a blur. Probably because I’ve spent so many hours slaving away at the
Boulevard, you know, saving lives and stuff. Recently we got a call from a
research company looking for “25-50 year olds working in the medical industry” to
participate in a group forum on healthcare. I’m 23 and I work as a receptionist
in a veterinary office. But I totes ate their free food and accepted the $75
compensation for an hour of my valuable time.
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| http://theportuguesewaterblog.blogspot.com |
[Note: I have
absolutely no medical knowledge and none of you should ask me healthcare questions
regarding your beloved pets. The majority of the answers I give you will be
pulled directly from Google. The rest will probably be made up.]
In other news, the acting career that I never considered
pursuing even for a minute might finally be taking off! That’s right. I applied
to be an extra for the third season of Portlandia.
Any day now I could get a call from a woman named Amber saying they need me to sit
outside a local coffee shop pretending to read for an entire day. My
qualifications include my prolific flannel collection and an ability to stomach
organic soy lavender lattes. Instant stardom. I think I was born for this. Cross
your fingers my big break comes soon! And remember, if you want it to be cool,
put a bird on it.
Watch for me January 21st! Or don’t. Your choice.
Coworker: Oh yeah? You think you can just move to this city and get paid to mock us?
Me: Well... Yeah. You guys make it pretty easy.
I am looking forward to a whole heap of things happening
this weekend. Like leaving my bedroom! And seeing people! And not crying so
much (probably)!
1. I have a [Gay] friend who will be visiting this town. I would
say she’s visiting me, but that would be erroneous because really she’s coming to
corrupt unborn children (AKA attend a baby shower. Not my baby. Not my shower).
But! She invited me to have dinner with her and her parents tomorrow night,
which means a break from eating eggs for dinner. Last time I went out with Phil
and Martha we went to Wasted Wednesday. Wasted Wednesday is a skeezy weekly
event at a skeezy Missoula bar and involves all-you-can-drink PBR for $5. I don’t
remember much about that night, but I did fall off a trampoline and sleep on my
friend’s living room floor. I imagine this visit will be considerably mellower
since I’m trying not to be an alcoholic anymore, but I predict a rollicking
good time nonetheless.
2. Saturday I get to do laundry. I know this doesn’t sound
exciting, but let me explain. Our dryer broke down recently, but since ULOL is
the gayest of the gays she obvs had a DIY solution. She strung up a clothesline
in the backyard. Unfortunately, if I let my clothes dry in the great outdoors I
would go into anaphylactic shock from the allergen overload. So, since ULOL is
the most considerate roommate ever, she also strung a clothesline for me in the
loft. Laundry day is the perfect excuse to hunker down in my Loft Fort with a
good book or spend hours prowling through Tumblr.
3. Sunday I will meet people. Real life human beings. The
geniuses of Autostraddle have organized an International Summer Brunch Day.
This event will be spectacular for so many reasons... Top of the list: cupcakes. Also after this weekend I might have new people to hang out with. I'm hoping I come across as "awkwardly charismatic" instead of "unbearably strange". Once again, Autostraddle makes all my gayest dreams come true. Any of you Portland
weirdos who care to join, let me know! We can mob down together.
Alright kittens, time for this kid to call it a night. I
hope all of your dreams are coming true, wherever you might be in this mess we
call Earth.
You are all beautiful. Oh yeah, and you're having a really great hair day. Don't change a thing.
-b
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