Hello weirdos. It’s official. The heat wave hit Portland Saturday morning and may never let up.
Friday morning my co-worker asked how I
planned to combat the heat. I thought she was being a little ridiculous. I’ve
always enjoyed summer sun and high temperatures. But Portland heat feels
different, heavier. I would call it debilitating if I wanted to sound dramatic.
I’ve spent the last two days either lounging in the backyard hammock or
sprawling on my bedroom floor in front of a giant fan. Luckily, the heat
justifies my disdain for clothing. I haven’t worn a shirt since getting off
work Friday.
Coincidentally, partial nudity is the perfect segue into the
stories I’ve been promising to tell you for an entire week now! I recently
attended my very first Night of Kink. From what I’ve gathered N.O.K. is a “night
of exploration and free expression” happening every other month with a different
theme. July’s theme: Unicorns Gone Wild. Obvs I couldn’t sit this one out.
I won’t lie, Saturday afternoon I was nervous. For maybe the
second time in my adult life I wished I owned a pair of thigh-high leather
boots so I could at least LOOK confident. I consulted C on what to expect. Her [paraphrased]
response: I’m not entirely sure, but
definitely some really kinky sexual stuff. I would need to be really drunk if I were going. Lovely. This obvs
sounded like a legitimate setting for me and Friend to shed our social
anxieties. Side note, I maybe forgot to give Friend all the details of what the
night might entail. For example: aerialists, fire-dancers, private “exploration”
rooms and a fully-equipped torture/pleasure (depending on your viewpoint) arena.
Friend and TR rallied at my place to pre-game. Nothing says “we’re
here to party” like cheap beer and women’s beach volleyball. Once they seemed
buzzed enough to keep me entertained, we piled into the Biscuit and headed to
the Bossanova Ballroom. We got there just behind a cadre of unicorn ladies.
They looked us over and promptly encouraged Friend to hike up her skirt. We
followed as they clomped up the stairs, huddled together for security.
 |
| Leather and whips and chains, oh my! |
I’m not sure what I expected… ok, that’s only half true. I
expected a full-blown animal orgy on the dance floor. What we walked into was strangely
normal. Yeah, there were two men on stilts and a handful of women dressed as
kinky unicorns gyrating on the dance floor. And sure, one of the unicorns had a
dildo on his forehead in lieu of a horn. But when we arrived the scene was
still relatively mild. I found my friend Joe, looking rather dapper, and he
gave us the tour. The “torture chamber” was assembled along one wall. A
half-naked woman, strapped to a massage table, was submitting to tickle torture.
Medieval-influenced punishment devices (ex. the stocks) hunkered in the far
corner. A leather-clad fella busily assembled an imposing structure. I can only
assume it was for restraining his victims.
Nothing too far out of the ordinary! Joe disappeared back
into the crowd on security duty, leaving us to our own devices. Drinks in hand,
we found a good vantage point to keep an eye on late arrivals. I tallied tails
(only the woodland variety, or course, since obvs the unicorns had tails). We watched
at a man wearing a leather chaps chase his flighty pony partner around with a
bullwhip. You guys, it was kind of graceful. Like a choreographed dance, but
with hooves. A dominatrix strolled lazily around, dragging a leather strap over
her gloved palm. Another girl darted around the dance floor wearing only bodypaint
and a thong.
I was surprised by how structured everything was. Once the
performances started, we spent the majority of our time crowded around the
stage trying to get a clear view of interpretive dances, aerialist displays, fire
jugglers and contortionists. The highlight event was the Unicorn Derby. Riders
mounted their unicorns and were carted through a series of challenges including
a ring-toss and a marshmallow eating competition.
Me: So this is what my parents worried about when I said I was moving to the city...
Friend: Kinky unicorn
dance parties? Sounds about right.
At intermission Friend and TR decided they had seen enough kink for one night.
All
in all, I count Night of Kink as a success. I saw new things and studied a new
lifestyle. That’s right, bitches. I put my Anthropology undergrad to good use.
So unicorn role-play isn’t my kink… It might have been! Now I know. I’m not
sure whether or not I’ll go to another N.O.K. But I know that if I do I won’t
be scared. I don’t mean to be redundant, but again: we’re all just people. Some
people like leather and whips and animal ears... It's all cool, man. It's all good.
-b
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