Sometimes I Just Cry, It's Not A Big Deal

Ok, weirdos. Hold up.

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I’m interrupting the A-Camp recaps to get real with you for a minute. I need to apologize for my inconsistency lately. I hate feeling so unreliable, especially since I set my own deadlines. Maybe it’s ridiculous to imagine you guys sitting at your computers, waiting with bated breath for my words of wisdom and/or fuckery. But maybe not? I think some of you actually pay attention to the things I say. Which is incredible and also utterly terrifying. I think this sums up the awesome/scary feelings, except minus the drinking.

Mostly, I’ve been dealing with some intense heavies lately. Reduced-to-the-basic-functions-of-living heavies. Think eating/sleeping/breathing, but only eating sometimes and sleeping when heavily dosed with melatonin. I’m not sharing this information for pity. Let’s be honest, the sympathy vote never gets you anywhere. This fact is frequently demonstrated on Chopped, where the inner city kid trying to win $10,000 to help pay for his sister’s lung replacement surgery will still be disqualified for overcooked salmon. That’s real life. I mean, that’s technically reality television, but it’s somebody’s real life. End tangent.

What I’m trying to say is: I think the worst of the heavies have passed. Today I didn’t cry driving to work. I managed to eat three full meals, and made it to yoga class. Now I’m sitting here, writing things for you guys to read. Because maybe some of you need me writing things almost as much as I need to write.

For the record, you’re incredible and I love you. Thank you for reminding me that some days breathing is all you can manage, and that’s ok; for telling me I'm not weak or small just because I feel sad. Thank you for your letters and your messages and your unexpected texts when it’s 7pm on a Friday night and I’m already in my bed watching Netflix. Thank you for telling me to pull my head out of my ass and go meet people. Listen, you are all lovely and surprising human beings. I want to be lovely and surprise you too. With that said, I intend to finish my A-Camp posts this week and move on. Because life has been happening this whole time, and we’ve been missing it! I hope you are all well. I hope you didn't cry on your way to work either, but if you did that's fine too. That's fucking human.

Be kind to yourselves, kittens. Please know that I love and miss you.

-b