b Honest: Vacation, All I Ever Wanted: Monday Sept. 10

[Welcome to the ongoing gaycation saga which you may or may not be interested in...]

Monday 9/10

Monday morning, lessons in adulthood. You see, Lucy is a teacher’s assistant. This means she wakes up in the morning and must responsibly tend the lives and well-being of very small human beings. I “wake up” in the morning, which means I’m fully functioning somewhere around noon. I understand and can even appreciate the concept of the early riser. But having one bouncing around in my bed at 8am on the first full day of vacation is another story. God bless the inventor of breakfast and the french press. After properly fueling, we attempted to plan. After a full day of mobbing around aimlessly downtown, we obvs opted into more aimless wandering downtown. Stick with what you know, right?

We took the train downtown and managed to end up in the general vicinity of Powell’s Bookstore and Buffalo Exchange, which happened to be our planned destination! You guys, after 7 months in this city I have officially mastered a single train line. Boom. After navigating the literary labyrinth of Powell’s and the used-clothes utopia of Buffalo, we decided to catch the train back home. Thus ensued the Great Donut Debacles of 2012.

Some of you have probably heard of a place called Voodoo Doughnut. Voodoo is a total tourist destination mostly because they’ve been featured on Man v. Food, but also because they do make some wicked awesome donuts. I think they’re most reputable for the bacon maple bar (fatty slabs of real bacon on a maple bar) and the voodoo doll (chocolate frosted donut with raspberry filling and your least-favorite ex’s face). Lu and I had frequented Voodoo before, and anytime she talks about Portland, donuts make the top 10 attractions list. Since we were walking right by the downtown location and the line was only one block long, we decided to grab donuts for the train ride home.

Things to note: I don’t usually like sweet snacks, but I was totally jonesing a donut, mostly because we’d been talking about them for 7+ months. Additionally, Voodoo is a cash-only establishment. Also, the ATM is inside, but you can’t enter the building until it’s your turn to order. What’s a card-toting tourist to do? Well, you could follow our plan of action. Just wait until you’re next in line, then bail because you don’t want to awkwardly fumble with the ATM while an angry, donut-hungry mob scrutinizes every move you make. Moral of the story: if you want donuts always carry cash. Just in case.

With empty bellies and broken hearts we made our way back to the train stop. To make up for the Great Donut Let-Down, Lu bought me a coffee and a cookie and I felt mostly sated. When we got back to my house, something terrible and wonderful was waiting. That’s right, my brand new credit card and its higher-than-expected credit limit. Since funds were apparently no longer an issue, we decided to play hip, young, lesbian non-couple and waddled down to Trader Joe’s for dinner supplies.

For the record, Trader Joe’s may be one of my favorite places in Portland. If I could walk down to Trader Joe’s every night for dinner supplies, I think I would. I don’t even know, you guys. The produce is individually priced and there are free coffee samples! What’s not to love? Also, we discovered this magical thing called Better’n Butter. It’s like if peanut butter and honey made a low-calorie, full-flavored baby. So far I’ve eaten it on toast, apples and mixed into granola. Lucy will probably get a case of it for her birthday. I highly recommend looking into it. I concocted a vat of vegetarian and gluten-free spaghetti (because you guys, we’re not teenagers anymore. We can’t just eat whatever we want! Also pasta creates a storm in my belly lately).

What better way to end a day than with Meryl Streep? After dinner Lucy and I caught a showing of “Hope Springs”. Have you seen it? I’m a sucker for a Meryl rom-com. Also this movie made me cry three times, but two of them were happy tears so I think that’s an ok thing.

Lucy: Tommy Lee Jones reminds me so much of my grandpa...
Me: Yeah... He mostly reminds me of you.

Seriously though, Lucy might be Tommy Lee Jones character. Only prettier, obviously.