Hello all of you out in Webland! I hope your week is going swimmingly. Mine thus far has been swallowed whole by work and pertussis. Seriously, one of the highlights: finally running out of pineapple jam and deciding what my new flavor would be. For the record, I chose raspberry. With the seeds. I still have a tiny baby porcupine living in my chest [Note: I hope he's eating bananas], but obvs you don’t have to see a doctor unless “your symptoms persist longer than two weeks”. I’ve got three more days for this business to clear up, and I plan on getting aggressive with it. Luckily my friends and roomies are incredible, and have made sure I’m still alive on several occasions. Also, Nyquil gel caps might be one of the greatest inventions of all time ever. Ever.
[Note: this is an exaggeration; I actually think a lot of things are better than Nyquil gel caps. For example Lisa Frank binders, butterscotch pie and glow sticks.]
Despite my recent 45 hour work week, my borderline poverty continues. But! I finally have a totally legit reason to be poor. I mean besides the obvious bill paying and cost of living stuff. I am registered for the second ever, super awesome Autostraddle A-Camp: the place where dreams come true.
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| Ohmygod, what? You mailed your registration check and everything?! |
Once upon a time, the demi-goddesses of Autostraddle decided that inter-webular relations with their readers were great, but they could do more. They put their brilliant minds together and concocted A-Camp, a safe place for readers to come together and just exist and create and collaborate. In the California forest. With bonfires and workshops and vegan-option meals. Seriously, I know this is going to be one of the best experiences of my life. I know because all of these people said it was one of the best experiences of their lives, and don’t they look trustworthy? Absolutely. I would let these people cat-sit for me.
I've been spending a lot of time daydreaming about this experience since I registered on Monday. While I can't be entirely sure, I expect my days to go something like this:
8am: Wake up, well-rested of course because you’re at A-Camp and how could anything in the whole wide world possibly be wrong when you’re at A-Camp?
8:30am: Optional cabin yoga followed by free time. During this free time I will be brushing my teeth, applying Old Spice Pure Sport and crisply refolding my bandanas.
10am: Breakfast, consume delicious foods. Go vegan if you want. Or don’t! It’s your call.
11am: Unicorn Basics workshop, where we’ll learn where to find our unicorns, as well as tips and tricks for grooming, feeding and tending these delicate mythical creatures.
12pm: Free time (AKA nap in the sun or go for a trail run)
1pm: More food! Good food, lovely food.
2pm: Vegan cooking classes, hopefully led by Hannah Hart
[Note: I mostly want to meet Harto so I can tell her that one week I communicated with my friends entirely through facial expressions and My Drunk Kitchen quotes. Or maybe I wouldn’t tell her that, because she might think I was a weirdo and get a restraining order.]
3pm: Informative seminar, where my views will be broadened and my mind blown
4:15pm: Glitter fight!
5pm: More food… because these things are important.
5:30pm: Riese touching all of our faces
6pm: Bear witness to some sort of talent, perhaps display some sort of talent I possess
7pm: Spontaneous, choreographed dance complete with Broadway musical sing-along!
8pm: Bonfire, campfire songs, s’mores. Perfection.
10:30pm: Some sort of sweaty dance party to tucker us all out before bedtime.
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| Also, this. |
And that’s just one day! There will be four of them altogether. I can’t even put into words how excited I am about this. Seriously, my first draft of this paragraph was: “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
However, with great excitement comes great responsibility. Registering for A-Camp has led to a million hours of planning that I intend to put off until the very last minute. Do I really need to know how I’m going to pay for camp? Or better yet, exactly how I am going to get my broke ass down to Los Angeles? No. The lesbian powers that be will take care of me, I trust that. Did you guys know it’s a 30 hour train ride to Los Angeles from here? I didn’t until Monday.
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| Not exactly Portland's friendly neighbor. |
Sorry, this is all I've got for you today. There are lots of big thoughts in my head but they aren't quite ready to be born yet... happy Memorial Day weekend, hope you creeps all have big plans. I will be sleeping off my strenuous week, and maybe doing laundry. Like a grown up.
Love. All of it.
-b
P.S. did I mention I’m seeing Andrea Gibson perform on June 7th? Don't be jealous, just come with me. Ok? Ok.
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